I basically make every little thing a BIG DEAL THING.
I hate making mistakes (especially publicly).
I hate doing stuff I am not good at (especially publicly).
I think about everything SO MUCH.
I like details and technique and making it all look tidy and relatively effortless.
My highest aspirations in life are basically two things: having it all together. looking like I have it all together.
So there are two things that I avoid at all costs: not having it all together. clearly not having it all together.
So yeah. Life is stressful.
Since October, I have been able to go to our gym basically 5 days a week. For an hour, there is community. There is shared struggle. There are people in your corner. (Why can’t all of life be like this?) We sweat, we shout, we cry, we get frustrated, we joke, we show up late sometimes, we get grief, we give grief, we celebrate, we grow.
We look forward to getting together the next day, doing it again.
It’s basically church.
On Sundays we actually do bring ‘church’ to the gym. The gym allows us to show up real – without the pressure that we put on ourselves to get it together before we go to a ‘church’ building… (even if it’s just our own expectation of ourselves). We come scuffed and smelly, and we grab a box and circle up.
And sometimes I wear my ‘I don’t have my shit together’ shirt just to let myself own it and maybe give other people permission to own it too. (Truly trying to be honest rather than offensive.)
I have to keep telling myself that perfection cannot be my goal. It’s a lie. It’s a facade. It’s dishonest. It’s damaging.
Don’t sweat the small stuff, but learn to celebrate it.
In the mundane, messy, just breathe in and out and give it your best shot moments… that’s where the battle is won.
There is victory here.
It all counts.