Well, here goes.
I decided that if I do this challenge, I will do it transparently and candidly.
Which is terrifying.
I am fresh off of a refreshing vacation and into the swing of things. Which isn’t a bad thing. Most days, I really love our life.
This evening, I am enjoying hot cider with homemade rum butter, minus the rum- mostly since I don’t have any and a little since I am pregnant. This is my favorite buttered rum cider recipe, in case you would want to join me from wherever you are tonight.
Cold weather is coming and with it comes a bit of seasonal affective disorder. Especially being election season (don’t get me started). And especially since I am prone to anxiety with all of these dang hormones. So, I busy myself with reading Searching For Sunday by Rachel Held Evans (SO excellent), trying to create a baby space, filling the house with fall scents handmade by my sister), and trying to “learn to love what must be done”- which these days is cooking and cleaning and laundry and more things that I am historically not very good at.
It’s been a whole year since I mostly stopped working and it’s taken this long to not feel like I am just failing at all of this homemaking stuff and to stop measuring my worth by productivity… as Jen says, if it isn’t true for a single mother in Haiti, it isn’t true for me. So if all I do is spend the day making food, hanging with the 5 year old, having coffee with friends, washing dishes… There is just as much meaning there as there was in managing critical overdose patients a year ago. Oh, that I will believe that all of the time.
Random: I used N4 serum in my hair after my shower tonight and suddenly I am back in Atlanta, at the eclectic Aviary in the Old Historic Fourth Ward cotton mill turned Studioplex, under the magic of Jenn Jones –The Best Colorist in Atlanta… the sense of smell has always had the most powerful nostalgia for me.
I think Ava has it too. I applied some oil/lanolin cream to my ever expanding belly the other night and as Ava smelled my hands she said, “mommy, that reminds me of something”.
Reminiscing, I told her that I had used it nearly every day when I was pregnant with her. She wrinkled up her nose and after a little pause said, “no, it reminds me of Bubby and Mickey’s house”. She was absolutely right. Those are her nicknames for a couple who used to be our dear friends. The oil was handmade by them. We haven’t even seen them for more than a year because that’s how religious people do differences in belief (another “don’t get me started”…). The last time we used it (that I remember) was when Ava was potty training and we were at their place. It’s another blog for another time.
Our brains are incredibly fascinating.
Which now reminds me of listening to Andy Stanley last night in his series, Who Needs God.
In the opener, Atheist 2.0, he discusses Richard Dawkins’ “The God Delusion” (which I have, but haven’t finished reading yet) and following along to the logical conclusion of the belief that there is nothing more than biology… stuff that makes me always stop and consider the implications of both sides…
Maybe this is why I need to write every day. Too much stuff has been pent up for too long.